Archive for the ‘Random Writings’ Category

Letter to Self

Posted: May 24, 2018 in Random Writings

Dear FutureMe,

Silky rays of this golden morning are soothing your skin. Lying on the bed, struggling to keep your eyes open, you indulge in thoughts. These words are being woven for you. As you couldn’t find a soul to confide, you thought on writing to yourself. Just hear yourself out, you might feel better.

You feel empty right now. You realize that damage has been done. It is your fault too. But you are not alone in this battle. You never were.

Things seem uncertain. In a month, you might forget why you are writing this. These heartaches, your dripping-moist eyes, and clouded thoughts don’t make sense to you. Everything you are explaining might sound overdramatic. Why is it overdramatic to feel? Can’t you just accept yourself that you are perfect as you are? Wouldn’t you rather be comfortable in your own skin with emotions you are capable generate?

Don’t be sorry that you have this superpower to feel. It is a gift. Cherish it.

Yes, you’re melodramatic at times. You demand more than you can get. You drain the other person around. You feel like the world owes something to you. But the truth is world doesn’t owe anything. You expect returns in what you give. What you give is not equals to what you receive. There’s no formula. You must understand it is not something in your control.

Dear Me, I will repeat what I always repeat. You love, yes you do. But you love yourself a little less. It is ok for you to think about yourself too, just like others do. It is ok that you are incapable of creating wonders in this world. Hey, you do what you do and you do that best. Appreciate yourself rather than expecting somebody else to do it for you.

You cannot deny the fact that eventually, you will have to walk alone. You cannot fantasize the perfect life where everybody you care will have the desire to keep things special forever. It isn’t healthy to expect they won’t walk away. They will. It will hurt. But it is their life and they will have to take an appropriate path one day. That path might be with or without you. When this happens, please be kind to yourself. You deserve your kindness and love.

As ‘The Artidote’ promotes, breathe! You are not alone. There’s a whole wide world out there. Don’t limit. Open up. Give space to people and let them walk away if they want. Embrace them but try not to get too attached. Be there for everybody but in this process, don’t stop being there for yourself.

Dear Me, I understand this letter is filled with philosophy. But, don’t be scared of loving yourself. Don’t hesitate to show the world you care. After all, you deserve your affection too.

Love,
Your aching self.

25th April 2018

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अधुरो!

Posted: July 30, 2017 in Poems, Random Writings
म तिमीसँग बोल्दा
तिमी तिमीसँग कुरा गर्दै हुन्छौ|
मेरो मनको ज्वालामुखी बीच
म तिम्रो तिमीसँग जोडिन सक्दिन,
तिमीसँग म बोल्न सक्दिन|
 
तिमी मसँग बोल्दा,
म भावनाका ज्वारभाटाहरुले एक्लै सेकिंदै हुन्छु|
म तिमीलाई शीतलता दिन सक्दिन,
तिमी मेरा भावहरुको राप सहन सक्दैनौ,
तिमी म सामु खुल्न सक्दैनौ|
 
समिप हुँदाहुँदै पनि
हामी हाम्रा अन्तरद्वन्द्वका बीच
 एक अर्काको खोजिमा
निक्कै टाढा-टाढा हुत्तिन्छौँ!
निरास भई घर फर्कन खोज्दा
फर्कने बाटो भुल्दछौँ
अनि…..
….
..
..
…………….!
?
-२०७४/०४/१४

Fiction

Posted: June 11, 2017 in Photographs, Random Writings, Writings

 

I looked out the window. A thick, sullied cotton-candy- like cloud was dragging itself. So heavy! I could sense the sketch of your lips somewhere in those clouds.
I felt a tap on the window pane. One-two-three-4-5-6789…The droplets gazed for a moment and then slipped away. I could vibe the presence of your eyes somewhere in the drop.

Unhurriedly, I moved towards the balcony. So lonely! As soon as I opened the door, my soul filled with the petrichor. I closed my eyes and let my heart flutter in the memory lane. There you were, calm. Your gaze, tender. You, Juvenile- exactly how I saw you for the last time, 20 years ago..

IMG_20170611_194938_596

(As seen is Jhamsikhel)

Poem

Untitled15

Posted: April 1, 2017 in Poems, Random Writings

The intensity of life she emits from within
overshadows the sun.
Yet she believes she is cold,
she is dead inside
and thrives on feeling alive.

She scuttles around the mirage of a palmful lustrous liquid
and believes it to be her soul.
Assumes it can charge her draining spirit.
Says it can fill the bottle of her happiness
and make her whole again.

But the last time she looked herself in the mirror,
she ceased to notice her soul within-
soft and silky-
it was fueling the breathless bodies around her,
it was healing the broken spirit.
She looked past everything
and silently dropped tears where she was standing.

But, Why?
Perhaps,
she is a butterfly.

****************************

-Ashma

3rd December 2016

12:59 AM

 

Walking-talking Rant!

Posted: March 26, 2017 in Random Writings, Writings

I walked and walked to clear my head.

Headphones on, random songs, broken concentration to check if there’s any bike/car ready to hit me and the uncontrollable random thoughts, I walked and walked even though my sole started to say “stop”. I didn’t listen. I walked harder telling it to shut up. Somewhere during my journey, I noticed a brown colored dog had joined me. I don’t know the breed, too naïve for that. It was a normal looking street dog for me. Knowing the breed isn’t important here. Anyways, continuity: it was walking side by side, an inch away. I continued walking. Once, I was one step ahead of it and it rushed to join me again, matching the pace. We kept on walking together. Every time I went ahead, it would try and join me. Eventually, it got tired of the game and then it walked ahead of me, away from me. I watched it with longing. “My companion just walked away from me!” With that thought, I continued my journey, unable to remember where it went. I did not notice when it left.

Empty stomach, dry throat, I was craving for food and water. I had a bottle of water inside my bag but I did not think of taking it out to quench my thirst. I was sweating like never before. The dripping sweats were absorbed by my clothes. I wanted to stop half way for a ride. But I couldn’t gather myself to get into any vehicle. But, I still had half way to go!

I used last of my energy to walk along the ups and downs. Climbing up was tough. I couldn’t breathe because no air was enough. Climbing down was effortless as a cup up an awesome milk tea!

Struggling through the dust, crowd and growing restlessness, I finally reached my home. A sudden feeling of peace caressed me when I reached into my room. But it couldn’t last much.

I immediately took off the sweat drenched clothes trying to feel free. I craved for a hint of elatedness. I let myself rest as I could not gather strength to dress myself. I enjoyed the nakedness as the sweat began to dry and my skin started to feel the chill. I tried to fiddle with the momentary openness.

I kept on trying hard and in the process, I pushed myself too hard.

And my head, it is the foggiest it has ever been.

****************************

26th March 2017

Untitled13

Posted: February 11, 2016 in Poems, Random Writings

Empty page-

Ink in the bottle,

Quill on the table,

Faint light,

Dark night,

Closed eyes.

 

I am rocking the chair,

She is rocking my thoughts.

***********************

-Ashma

हिउँद

Posted: January 4, 2016 in Poems, Random Writings

प्रेमको न्यानो आलिङ्गनमा डुब्दै गर्दा

हठाथ् कसैले छुट्याइदिएजस्तो

पर-पर हुत्याइदिएजस्तो,

हृदय चिस्याउने, आत्मा दु:खाउने

एउटा अर्को हिउँद आयो|

***************************

-आश्मा

साँझ

Posted: January 2, 2016 in Poems, Random Writings, Uncategorized

बिहानै उदाएको कलिलो घाम

शीतका थोपाहरुसँग मिसिएर

यो प्रकृतिमा सुन्दर मोतीको उज्यालो छर्दै

चिसा शरीरलाई न्यानो अँगालोमा बेर्दै

छिप्पिंदै-छिप्पिंदै जब ढल्न थाल्यो,

तब फेरी साँझ आयो|

********************************

-आश्मा

 

When I read the name similar to yours that belongs to somebody else, I stop for few seconds and drift my eyes away,

When I stumble across the moments we had unknowingly spent together, I force myself to push the memories away,

When you appear in my dreams unannounced, we sow a conflicted relationship, together,

And the troubles I go through after I open my eyes, you are not there and with no human can I share,

I have made myself believe that your existence for me is nothing but a reason for the rage,

Swear I would give anything to keep you around, only and only if I had courage,

But, pain is not something I would like to choose for myself at least for this time,

and knowing about the distance that we cannot overcome and the truth we don’t chime,

Yes I’m enchanted by your existence! But I have to wish you Farewell, My Dear!

 

And make sure our paths never cross again, as it doesn’t strengthen me anymore.

Effortless? Easy?

I’ve been crushing myself into possible finest dust with the ticking time

And all and all I can do is scribble the unreachable rhyme!